Safe spaces.

Don’t you just love the freedom of being in a place and not having to worry about bad encounters or experiences? Macam you mentally cordon off a small safe space for yourself … this could be your bedroom, kitchen or even a parking spot at the office that you label as a stress-free zone. A spot where you are at your most comfortable and where you know that nothing can come between you and your inner peace.

It is only when these spaces are invaded that you realize how attachment and expectations placed on something sucks. you will always (almost) end up getting disappointed.

So one of my spots got invaded recently and I’ve been quite affected by it. I’m sure a new sanctuary isn’t a hard find…but this time, i feel.. mcm why should i? i was here first.

gah. just felt like writing down my feelings today.

that’s all.

midweek blues.

it’s Wednesday. we’re halfway through the week already!

Nothing much happening this week other than the usual things. Hoping that things will pick-up. A splash of good news would be good.

I’m also thinking of ways on how to make this week better for me. When things get super humdrum.. i have started a habit of setting small goals for myself… easily attainable ones.. jangan jua yang mcm berabis berabis payah atu mcm membali rumah 10 bilik atas bukit, jadi bidadari.., menangkap bulan……..atu membari stress jua tu mamanyaa. Just to give you an idea here are my small goals this week:

– cut down sugar.
– bangun sembahyang malam (at least 2 kali)
– stay on low carbs just until Saturday.
– run 3 more times.
– donate to charity.
– try not to give a shit about what people think
– mind my own business.
– reduce screen time by 50%.

well for today, I’m just trying not to eat the Twix that has been sitting in my drawer and maybe get a run in later in the afternoon.

[insert funny thumbs up whatsapp sticker yang cali here]

kiss me.

It’s Sunday.

see i did say i was going to post regularly.

I did my run at BKC this morning and then straight to hot yoga… that is not Bikram.

I miss my Bikram yoga days (sans sex scandal) so i decided to sign up for a hot yoga class at Be Yoga, Kiulap. It’s pretty rare that i venture outside of Serusop but my body was craving the twist and turns of yoga. haha mcm kiulap ani over on the west coast bunyinya and im on the east.

anyway i was aware that the practice didn’t follow bikram sequence but it was still a good workout anyway… and after a long week of fartlek running and weight training my body was screaming for it.

Just gonna take it easy this month. I’m anticipating a very busy Novemeber at work. What’s new kan? the last leg of the year is always the most hectic.


Have a good week everyone.

Namaste.

Sambungan post yang seriatu.

I have decided that i will write again.

Because i dont have the guts to vlog. bida jua tu kamu meliat idung ku kambang kampis arah screen kamu? haha.

So picking up where we left off:

The global pandemic led me to improve my running..i ran like i was running away from it.

I started 10 years ago. I remember how it took me an hour to do a short 3km around the stadium.

This gradually decreased to 21-25 minutes and then I slowly added my distance. but because of work commitments that had taken me overseas, I was not able to be consistent, and often after weeks of being away, I come home only to start again.

In the 10 years that I’ve been running: I’ve participated in a handful of fun runs, had the privilege of running in cities like New York, London, Budapest, Tokyo, been sexually assaulted, witnessed the change in seasons first hand and completed a half marathon – all at a pace of 7km/h or slower. lol.

not traveling means that I could take this opportunity to improve my running. which I did. and now I can confidently do a 10km under 6.5km/h. of course, functional training helped too, which i picked up at a nearby Crossfit gym. oops dont think we can say CrossFit anymore….. “Mmmhmm” gym lol. The goal is to do 5km easily under 30 minutes.

Aside from my love for cardio, I also gym hop to weight lift. gym 3 inggit mamanya. My body has transformed since January and I’m hoping that i will be able to maintain these results even once covid is over and i start travelling for work again.

it’s gonna be difficult. but i guess i’ll cross the bridge when i get there?

of all the “fitness” things ive experimented with, running has resonated the most. there’s just something about it that is liberating. banar pulang it doesn’t solve your problems..but I feel the strongest and the most beautiful when i run 🙂

If you have are struggling to motivate yourself, don’t worry you are not alone..i struggle for years and i am still working it. just keep at it. visualizing yourself in your ideal body and the state of mind you want to achieve helps.

For me, it’ s not just about building a strong body. but also a strong mind. i believe the latter would help me to continue to work towards achieveing my goals and attaining new ones.

ok byeeeee.

dont forget to comment and subscribe!

kiss me.

I should write more often.

this is me trying to write more often.

Someone’s been looking through my old posts. I cringe at the thought of what you guys may find (keep it to yourself please!).

I grew up blogging. somewhere between 2005 and 2020, I grew up. I should perhaps hide my archives but then again..looking at it objectively, I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.

Writing was second nature to me. it probably still is, it’s just that I haven’t been able to focus on it. But now entering the “new norm” we’ve been somewhat stripped off some of our worldly distractions and have no choice but to focus inwards. That’s what I have been doing, getting to know myself a little bit more.

I didn’t realise how distracted I have been in the last decade or so. 10 years is a long time to be distracted. So what has changed since Covid? how have i progressed?

Well.

skajap aku pikir….

Sabar.

Sabar/Patience is a hard skill to master. I’m that girl who would absolutely love to honk the car in front of me just as soon as the traffic lights turn green. It would be ok to do it in Brussels or New Delhi…. in Brunei not so much..(kalau takut pemarang)

But yes. At least these days I am more mindful of it. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but to be patient. It’s work in progress with pretty subjective results.

For me, Sabar is when I stop reacting to strong emotions. there’s a breathing technique I’ve learned which has helped. Although I have yet to let it help me banar-banar. I guess these things will only resonate when it does huh? mcm ani kalau ku benapas banar2 pun masih jua marah atu. last last malamkan nya org.

“Mun marah, malamkan”; one of the best advice I’ve received from an urang lama lol.

kiss me.

day one

oh dear! i realised i didn’t blog at all last year. It’s like i went through a time warp and here i am in 2020. 2019 proved to be the most challenging year ever. I was busier than ever (work), i was more anxious than ever. don’t think ive never been this uncertain in my life ever.

im here trying to recall some of the blog-post worthy events which may have happened… there was ONE. Actually two.

I started baking again. I was taking orders again and business was doing very well. I’m grateful that i have loyal followers from my ancient blogging days who are still buying my brownies today.

ok. at least something good came out of 2019.

here’s to 2020. and whatever it may bring.

kiss me.

Liberated.

hey livie. havent paid this year.

hehe. oh and hello to you too.

I’m back on the island. I have been officially introduced to Smith and i totally get the appeal now. I’ve never missed a facial and my skincare is on point. Total cost of kampong upkeep: close to 600 bucks a month – personal trainer included. What is not included are my anti-hestamines stash, manicures , pedicures, and trips to a nearby country for haircuts and the shit tons of clothes i buy online.

This is why i can’t quit my job and uh also the fact that i am still an impulsive can’t say no shopper. I need to fucking save.

btw. just to be clear (and less obnoxious) the haircuts i get overseas are not exactly better than if i was to get one in Brunei. i just have trust issues.

anyway,

I love being home. I love how calm and peaceful it is here. No speed limits to watch out for. No parking tickets and i appreciate how everything is within reach. i dont even get questioned about the M word anymore. People just assume that i just graduated from University. “ah anak bungsu kah?” to which i will reply “Yup!”. Org 30 tahun pun expect aku mencium tangan durang. (uh. no bitch. kau cium tanganku pls.)

I dont know how long i have until i run out of collagen. so i’m running with it.

Everyone’s trying to sell me vitamins and supplements of some sort. I’ve promised meetings with a handful of beauty influencers. tunggu dulu girls, aku save usin dulu. At the offer of another beauty instagrammer, I’m currently also waiting for my allergy tests to come back. Paid 280 bucks to get strands of my hair shipped to Singapore to get it tested. I hope it will tell me that i’m allergic to EVERYTHING… u know. just to get my money’s worth. I’ve actually been tested for allergies a few years back.. and i discovered that i was allergic to dust mites, dog and cat hair…well maybe this time ill be allergic to all the animals in the zoo.

i should really stop clicking on all of the sponsored ads on instagram. semua tah kan pemes krg ani di instagram. semua pun kan jadi social influencer. semua pun kan mengendorse product. semua pun kan bejual maajun kuat selasa. tp ok plang kali. If i wasn’t working i’d probably be riding on the same wave.

just a few days ago i was asked to participate in a youth survey.

some of the questions were very confronting and since it was anonymous the coordinators urged us to be honest. so this is what i wrote when asked to list the top 3 occupations we would “actually prefer”.

well…. actuallynya:
1. Business owner
2. Content Creator
3. Housewife

translated into layman terms:
Business owner= kadai instagram jual kain tapi private.
Content Creator = Full time instagrammer.
Housewife = buka instagram baby (kucing).

*side note: baik plang ku taruh sana “main tiktok”

i love my cat. if i had all the time in the world i would be a no 3 in a heart beat. haha. he recently had a lion cut. so cutesies in the world. he looks like he’s in a birthday suit 24/7.

i love cutting my hair short too. this is what ive just discovered very liberating. mcm ive got 99 problems and my hair aint one. not anymore. kalau gunting bida pun nda apa. i know this is pretty rich coming from a girl who gets her haircut overseas..tapi banar i am at peace w the fact that IT WILL FUCKING GROW. short hair means that you can shampoo every day and take 5 minutes of ur time saja to dry it. it’s so easy.

banyak lagi kan diingaukan. mun ganya rambut.

so yeah 99 problems. and my hair aint one.

but you know what my problem is? basic malay ladies in their tudong and ferragamo jelly flats with a chanel woc worn cross bodied. these trolls walk down hallways thinking their all that. cant stand the sight of them. and they seem to be everywhere. more on this next time.

anyway kissing 2018 goodbye. it has been a very challenging year. new job. adjusting back to the old life. i can only wish for a better 2019.

ok love u bye.