Before leaving Brunei, I was showered with really warm farewells. My good friends, all of them, cleared their calendars to make time to see me for a farewell coffee session, farewell dinner, farewell run at the stadium, farewell brownie bake sale. Some of these friends I’ve known all my life, some of them I just met not too long ago but all of them had put in the same effort. My sisters were also quick to point out how lucky i am to have this big(ish) group of friends that really cared.

I do have really good friends. So good, that sometimes i feel guilty for not being able to repay their kindness. You see, I may not be lucky in the love department but it’s good to know that i have friends that i can really rely on. Friends that i know who would be there for me no matter what – ada duit kah nada duit kah, lampoh kah kurus kah, bida kah lawa kah..bejagok kah inda kah.. ada bag chanel ka nada bag chanel ka..ada make up itu la..nada make up ini lah..babi kah barok kah… …

It took me a lot of trial and errors to get here but I have found my posse and I’m holding them close to my heart.

That’s the thing about meeting new people. You meet a lot of them, but it’s pretty rare that anything would come out of it. It’s either a hit of a miss. Most times it’s a miss. Anyway, being single and 30.. i realise how important it is to maintain these relationships exsp when you’re in a frosty weathered foreign country that gets dark by 5pm. loneliness definitely has a way of creeping in. Being in touch with my friends is just the thing you need to feel or fuzzy and warm inside.

Kan. God is fair like that. Yes i dont have a BF..but i have lots of lots of BFF who i can get in touch with at the touch of a button. kajap..aku bedoa dulu ah:

To my friends, wherever you are, I pray for your safety, for your health and happiness.

Monday beckons

Three weeks into exercising and i have finally lost 1kg. A far cry from what i was aiming but I’m just relieved that I am still capable of losing weight. So relieved that I decided to treat myself to a generous spread of kaya on toast. So generous, i may have as well have doused the whole bottle of Kaya.

It’s true what they say, it is what you eat that matters. I am trying to wean off sugar and because i craved chicken rice so much i made a quinoa version yesterday – which was so good, i forgot to take a photo. I probably owe this week’s achievement to all the work related lunch/dinner/receptions i attended this week. European hospitality is ‘carefully rationed’ in a sense that for lunch you’d usually get served pieces of sourdough bread with some cheese on top and if you’re really lucky,a side of salad and some anti-pasti like cold smoked ham – which is ahem. haram.

Now that i’m on a diet and committed to losing all this weight i’ve packed in the last 7 months, I say BRING IT ON, kalau boleh banyak banyak lagi HAM please so that i can totally have a reason not to have anything haha. Ok.

Here’s a best kept secret that everyone should know about me: I DONT LIKE CURED MEATS. i hate anything smoked or aged. be it ham or beef or chicken. anything smokey i cannot have. i can’t tell you how many people i’ve offended due to this great distaste for ‘smoked-anything’..this is probably the only thing that i feel obliged to turn down. i cannot guys. sorry. other than smoked salmon everything else is….yucks. spaghetti with sausages? yuck. pizza topped with salami, pepperoni – yuck. hot dogs…- yuck. I don’t care if you guys says its nyaman, I AM NEVER GOING ANYWHERE NEAR IT. It’s my kryptonite, like nails on chalk board.. i cannot. absolutely cannot.

I was frying up my quinoa with what i thought was pure chicken fat yesterday when it started smelling like sausages. I ran to the fridge and got out the bag of what i thought was chicken lard.. true enough, it said ‘smoked chicken ham’ on the first i was was against throwing good quinoa into the trash.. but the longer it was on the stove, the stonger it smelled of i had no choice but to throw it away and started frying up a new batch of quinuo – sans chicken anything.

anyway. monday beckons.

good night.

Summary of activities since i last posted

– ran on treadmill for two weeks
– lost a kilo
-attempted making pumpkin cupcakes. failed on the cream cheese icing (as expected).
– currently obsessed with Justin Beiber
– this song on repeat: ‘what do you mean – Justin Bieber’
– only ran once this week cos of work commitments; will try to drag ass back to gym tomorrow.
– cravings for Tim Tam satisfied with Penguins.
-gained back a kilo
-waiting to try Pilates
– i need nasi lemak and fried chicken in my life.
– throwing a farewell for a friend who will be finishing up her tenure here, it’s going to be a dinner of nasi lemak and fried chicken. next saturday. i cannot wait.
-currently watching Coffee Prince on Netflix
– just a thought: running on treadmill nothing like running outside, this is the longest that ive gone without running outdoors and it’s making me miserable.
– another thought: need to persevere. the treadmill is all i have.
– planning a trip to Melbourne at the end of the year.
– turning off facebook and switching whatsapp numbers so nobody can find me.
– being away just reminded me that not everybody is sincere. you leave home for a new country, suddenly you get msgs from ppl on fb who never bothered saying hi, asking if they could stay with your for a week and use your tax free benefits.
-reminded me of my student days sans diplomatic discount.
– definitely deactivating facebook and changing whatsapp numbers.

so there’s your update.

In search of the perfect Vanilla cupcakes.


I get a tad defensive when someone starts referring to a person as ‘Vanilla’. Meaning to say, that she or he is boring, plain, yawn, nothing out of the ordinary. I just don’t see how ‘Vanilla’ is related to the description.

Vanilla is ANYTHING but boring. It is delicious – (dare i say) even better than chocolate (oo, i’m so daring lol) . It can even be used to perfume chocolate. Chocolate itself is highly regarded as the CREME DE LA CREME of desserts. Adding vanilla to chocolate elevates it to a heavenly level. Vanilla is not boring.It’s Angelic! Vanilla is like the spice girl the spice girls never had. Pour moi, Vanilla is EVERYTHING in the baking world.

Anyway, i haven’t made any new friends since i last posted. The few that i had went away for summer holidays and i’ve been filling up my time with gym, food , random Snapchat updates and ofcourse, netflix. Out of my boredom i have also managed to “come up” with a vanilla cupcake recipe that i can be happy with for now.

Vanilla cupcakes

Despite being one of my most fav things in this whole wide world, Cupcakes are still my nemesis. I’ve never been able to master the technique of making them. My first go at them was 6 years ago and i had used Magnolia’s recipe for Vanilla cupcakes. They had turned out hard and inedible. I may as well have been frosting Baulu. Fast forward to 2015, I had a craving for Red Velvet a few weeks back and attempted baking them – also failing miserably. Following this, i concluded that one should never to follow a cupcake recipe that calls for OIL. Even if it claims to produce the most-dense-moist-rich-cupcake- in the universe DO NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR IT and don’t say i didn’t warn you. I really have no fucking idea what magical cupcake world these bakers live in, but it certainly NEVER works in the real world. Tried, tested and failed.

Anyway, even after all the trouble, I still haven’t given up hope in finding and making the perfect Vanilla cupcake recipe. Desperate, I decided to follow this video to a T.

No. the lady is not ‘Joy’ from Joy of Baking. lol. I’ve always thought ‘Joy of Baking’ was a book named after a person called’Joy’..but it’s really not. Turns out, it is what it is.

It seemed easy enough, it uses simple ingredients and instructions weren’t as complicated as some that i have seen which requires ‘egg whites’ to be ‘folded in meticulously’ in to the batter. So complicated and unnecessary, that the recipe may as well have read ‘masukkan tia puteh talor atu dalam ani, menggaul tah kau mcm gila bayi, inda jua mau jadi’.


The cupcakes were almost a success. The frosting recipe is full proof, but the cupcakes came out dry at 177 degrees Celsius with cracked tops that looked like my chapped ‘transition weather’ lips. I then decided to test bake them at three different temperatures: 160 , 165 and 170 degrees and as i had expected, 160 is the optimum heat for MY oven. I guess it depends from kitchen to kitchen, oven to oven, a recipe can be the same but the results may vary. In the second time around, I substituted the milk with butter milk, decreased amount of flour,and added more butter to the batter, overall increasing the fat content to achieve a denser, richer, moister cupcake.And voila! my perseverance paid off.

The tweaking produced a cupcake that i can be finally happy with: sort of fluffy, sort of dense, sort of moist. But it could also have been: less sweet (the icing), more vanilla-ey…….i think that’s it. There’s definitely still room for improvement but i was just happy at the fact that they actually looked like cupcakes! for the first time in my life! i made cupcakes! lol. I don’t know if i’m in the position to give tips, but based on my experience, i think i will anyway:

So far, the secret to Vanilla cupcakes are:
1. Dont over mix the batter. Once the flour is in, treat it like you’re pulling out strands of hair tangled to a hairbrush. Untangling it too quickly might just hurt.
2. No OVEN is the same. Play around with oven temp.
3. SIFT THE ICING SUGAR to yield frosting that would be smooth as freshly powdered baby’s bottom.
4. Make sure you know what ROOM TEMPERATURE BUTTER looks like. Youtube this. (tres important!)

I’m exhausted just writing this entry! If only baking was a piece of cake. It’s not, and you will only get better with time and a lot of patience. Much like life itself. Alternatively, to save you the trouble, you can just buy a cupcake. Money is the solution to everything.

Anyway, i’m going to go and have a bagel for lunch now. bcos im a hey fatty bom bom, sweet sugar vanilla cupcake.

kiss me.

Entering title


A house with a view, that isn’t mine. The landscape reminded me of Luang Prabang. Only I’m in Europe, where the air isn’t as heavy, roads aren’t as manic and the food slightly more palatable.

There’s not much to complain but i do miss the company of good friends, family and friendlier faces.

It’s wedding season and three of my good friends are getting hitched this month. It’s really unfortunate that i can’t be home to celebrate with them, feeling extremely left out of the festivities I wonder how many more of these things will i miss?


Uber Uban

I googled “Brunei Melbourne” and several of my old blog posts showed up on the results page. Clicked randomly, and i was redirected to a blog post dating back to 2/8/2008. It’s like the universe is plotting to remind me that i would be turning 30 in a few days time. I don’t really like reading my old posts as most of them are cringe-worthy. Typically, I would usually just eye ball the page until i get to a picture or and old youtube video that i really like. Anyway, what caught my eye in this particular post is how i began the post by writing that “i have turned 17 and that i have another year before i can drive.”

The numbers just didnt add up. I’m pretty sure i was older than 17 in 2008 AND if it was ANYTHING that i can do, it was DRIVE. Also,if i was 17, in 2008..shouldn’t i be less than 30 in 2015? As i scrolled down the pages, it finally made sense; I’ve always celebrated every year of my birthday by turning 16..and 2008 wasn’t an exception. lol.

I was simply staying true to my age-defying skills. Anyhow, what really struck me is the fact that i have been lying about my age online for more than a decade. I remember the first time I started turning 16 every year…. i was only 18…and now…

i’m 30.

THIRTY…pretty trippy.

where did the time go??????
where have i been???
what have i achieved??????
what’s going to happen next???

I woke up today to the realization that the white streak in my hair is aged-induced..and not the delayed results from the use of cheap shampoo and rebonding procedures in my teens.



Ok. let me just take some time to reflect (and listen to Back Street Boys) on this and i will revert with a more calm and collected post.

What i listen to these days.

In the car, i like to tune in to “Fun radio, le son dance floor”. i think it means, Fun radio, the dance floor. or something like that. there are two versions of the radio station. One plays alot of pop and the one i listen to plays mostly dance songs or pop songs that have been remixed to death. i like to call it: ‘fun radio, le son euro dangdut’. europeans like dancey tracks. and now, i kinda like it too. in moderation. some tracks that come on are just tres cringey. macam lagu ani:

ok. i admit, if i knew how to find the other channels on my ‘abang abang radio’ , i think i’d be listening to other stations that plays real music. but for now. in the name of convenience, let me le son dance floor! wooo *shakes hips left right* *fist pump* *fist pump*.

It’s an abang abang radio, because its one of those radios that you would find in car.. like a suzuki swift that has been modified to look like a mini cooper. lol. it has blue back lighting with words in digital font. the kind of font you’d see in a ticking bomb. hahaha. and i love it. i love my kereta buruk. it has everything and it gets me everywhere.

turning 30 in a week.



edit: i google translated ‘le son’ and it actually means ‘the sound’.


What do we call a person who loves to spread Fitnah?

Cross-FITNAHter. hwahwahwa.

Unfortunately, someone closest to me became a victim of fitnah and i realised that this is something you wouldn’t even wish upon your worst enemies. Thank god, to date, i have been lucky that i’ve never been on the receiving end (or the one spreading it), but from what i’ve observed it can be pretty intense. mcm how the fuck do you bounce back from a fitnah? how do you prove to people that you’re not in the wrong? so you’ve decided to become the bigger person and choose to say nothing.. how do you sleep at night knowing that somebody out there is spreading fitnah about you and not Nutella?

mental ku eh. barat mata memandang barat lagi bahu memikul. org yang memfitnah atu siok plang eh..kikik kikik ya meliatkan giginya, puas atinya sudah ia MANANG…turunkannya sudah sleeve bajunya, ani kan sambung tidui ia takutnya nda sampat bangun sahur.

haha. but eventually, it will pass. let’s just hope it passes as quickly as it came.

folks, this is something that you shouldnt play around with. defaming others with baseless accusations. making up stories from thin air. a wise woman told me a long time ago.. something along the lines of never to deprive others from their fortune or rezeki. this probably falls into the same story line. it’s one of those things that you should really really stay away from. Why put people’s lives in jeopardy like that?

the way i’d approach it, if i have a problem with that person, its either i ignore their existence completely unless ia mengacau aku OR if it’s something no longer tolerable, ku bawa tia kali duduk bisai bisai menganyam bakul. but hey. that’s just me. i’m confrontational like that. not confrontational in the way that i seek to crush and destroy but more of trying to understand why this person is acting the way that they are. this would be better than going ape shit and spreading lies.

[mun ia nda kan paham paham jua..bah maritah..BETATAK tah tani…aku pasang kuda kuda ni sudah. kek tapak kuda, 5 roll. semua bekacang. buruk tah gigimu ni…]

baik plang betikam ni daripada main fitnah fitnah ani. so yes. beumpama tah ku kan cerita ani, i now seek protection from fitnah in my daily doas. not just for me, but for my family, friends.. and you, reader of this post.

Selamat Hari Raya in advance everyone. Maaf Zahir dan batin.

ok. i will see you in court.

(squash court)


Topik hari ani adalah Kurma.

Assalamualaikum selamat berpuasa *lirik lirik mata perasahan cute*

Topic hari ani adalah mengenai kurma, dan saya akan mulakan blog post ini dengan bertanya kepada kamu semua; APAKAH JENIS KURMA KEGEMARAN KAMU?

Kurma kegemaran saya adalah Kurma Mejdool kerna texture nya yang lembut seperti memakan dodol. Mungkin namanya sebenar adalah MejDODOL.

Selamat berpuasa semuanya.

(i have ran out of things to say in Malay)