Muhasabah diri.

I cannot find my flats. My 10 euro H&M flats. I couldn’t have left it at yoga because 1. i havent been going 😛 2. if i did, ill probably remember walking to my care barefooted…cobbled stones are sakit. i don’t know where they are, at the same i’m also questioning why is it that i never buy more than a pair? i mean…. at 10 euros, it’s affordable enough. and depending on how sweaty your feet are, they COULD last a very long time.. huhu. i guess it all boils down to priorities…. i tend to turn a blind eye on them.

i guess that’s what you get for being impulsive. not exactly the kind that would go bungee jumping in the spur of the moment, but the type that would reach for a $XXXX bag instead of the pack of spendet at $XX. *face palm* i’m also known to yolo a 3 piece box from Hector (Belgium’s answer to KFC) when i’m on a freaking diet. i need to change. At 31, i need to be more in control of myself. So here’s the plan….

– go on and get at least 3 pairs of black flats.
– buy new spendet
– try not to pass a Hector on the way to /work/home…./hector
– no (binge)eating after 7. lolz
– sembahyang 5 kali sehari.
– it’s time to start spending wisely…..start a budget.
– be kinder to myself.
– bitch about people less
– gotta start taking care of myself better: eating well. get enough sleep. routine pedicure manicure, cabut bulu kirai bulu misai dan sebagainya.
– be grateful every day.

sounds easy enough.

i’ll let you know how i go.

kiss me.

Cookies yang beracun.

I hate Youtube ads. Actually, I hate all ads, Actually. But I hate Youtube ads the most. Youtube ads are the worst. they’re like the Aunty-Aunty you never want to bump into during hari raya. The kind who’d ask you when you are going to kawin? instead of a ‘how are you?’. The exact kind who’d turn you into an ANTI-AUNTY-AUNTY.

I don’t know what’s exactly in my cookies but lately, youtube’s been showing me baby food ads, pregnancy kit ads… mcm..yo? have i been trying to adopt a baby… online…IN MY SLEEP KAH? sleep surfing! that’s it! have i been sleep surfing???? every time i see these pregnancy kit car ads… family holiday ads… and i’m like ‘YO. YOU TUBE. Was that a read????’

lol even when im thousands of miles away from kampong life, i have cookies…..judging me!

let me think. how has my ‘surfing lifestyle changed’ in the last couple of weeks….mm.. maybe it’s all the ‘kitchen/closet/bedroom/bathroom organizing ideas’ ive entered on google..and the ‘lowest price search’ for a dyson vacuum ???

i dono y. but i think im developing abit of an ocd.

not at all bad. but i dont know how wanting to be more organized and neater translates to having kids?




i just literally thought about this as i typed.



case solved.

i’m having a baby.


a food baby.

ok then.

Puasa di seberang laut.

I think i only did 3 days of fasting last year. I should be embarrassed and I am. But I told myself i’ll make it up this year and will try to puasa as many days as i can. The struggle is in the long hours and the heat of summer. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this year, the seasons have been temperamental. Tulips were growing in winter and spring felt like summer and now that summer’s been here for two weeks, it’s been raining kittens and puppies and i find myself in the basement trying to get my central heating to work again.

So the weather’s acting up like a bad flu..but its ok. i actually prefer it this way rather than having to deal with the actual wrath of summer… and perhaps this is a chance for me to get in more fasting days. I’m entering the 6th day … and it hasn’t been so bad. almost. this also means that ive been off coffee ‘cold turkey’ off coffee..for almost 6 days and i’m still experiencing some set backs in the mornings..but i do feel i’m getting better.

slow pulang masih..mcm to the point that i’m surprised i’m still able to remember who i am when i wake up to go to work in the mornings. Anothing thing i discovered today is that i better stay off the roads whilst fasting because the roads aren’t as friendly. not like they were friendly to begin with but lets just say i wouldn’t want to be a pedestrian during this fasting month, exsp when i know I’M BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL.

Earlier after work i thought i’d venture out into the city to pay the asian grocery a visit.. i quickly regretted the decision when i realised that my mind wasn’t as sharp to anticipate pedestrians crossing from ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE OF THE PRINCESS OF THE EARTH and having to find alternative routes due to closed roads and tunnels. mcm. shit. i couldn’t freakin deal! every time i glanced at Waze it kept on showing that it would take me at least 25-30 minutes to get home… i felt like i was on a never ending mountain hike with lunatics. but hey on the upside i scored Kangkung and Yan Yan!

When i reached home with my kangkung haul it was almost six… took a nap to wake up at 8pm.. haha siang masih. these days, whenever i take a nap and wake up around 7-8pm and still be greeted by the glaring sun, i make a little joke and tel myself – “kalau kan menjamur bantal pun sampat lagi ni”.

these long hours sans coffee are really #ramadhanchallenge hashtag worthy yo. this is the longest ive gone without coffee in my system. not even a drop. i hate the fact that i’m so dependent on it.. i need it to function.. i need it to remember where i’m going …i need it to remember MY NAME. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it. It’s time for all that to change.

huhu.hopefully by next week i can go back to living like a normal human being……. also known as ‘a tea drinker’

hahaha. jeng jeng jeng.

The only ramadhan hack that i can certify as full proof is to drink loads and loads of water. I usually get 3 litres on a normal day and i’ve been able to work in the same amount since the start of puasa.. the only shortcoming is the fact that i am forced to chug everything in a shorter time period. Not easy when fasting starts at 3am and ends at 9:54pm… and having to wake up between 3am and 8am to freakin PEE. I lose sleep to PEE. It doesn’t help that the sun rises as early as 3:30 alongside birds singing like they’re in a choir competition.

on another note i hope this month brings us all the other joys of life and akhirat. inshallah.

selamat berpuasa everyone.

kiss me.

Why i’m still a blogger.

i love blogging. it’s a platform for ME. it’s a place where i can safely talk about me me me me me without being interrupted and judged because those who read here respect that it’s my personal space to talk about whatever the fuck i want.

You see, the topic of ‘me’ does not translate really well in real life. People don’t like it when you talk about yourself too much. Even if you’re not talking about yourself, sometimes people intentionally or unintentionally tend to dismiss you.

But here im referencing PEOPLE. It’s kinda ‘ok not ok’ for PEOPLE to dismiss you for talking too much but it’s a whole different story when it comes to FRIENDS.

I do have friends who are genuinely interested to know how i’ve been and what i’ve been up to..and in return i would invest the same amount of time on them. however, lets just say some are better at this than others.

Have you been in situations where you’re caught up in telling a story and you catch the person you’re talking to staring off into space mikirkan isi pocket Doraemon – disinterested? ESPECIALLY after hearing them talk about themselves for a good HOUR?

this is beyond pet peeve ok guys.

You dont get to dismiss somebody even if you find the topic that they’re talking about is boring or irrelevant to your life, cause truthfully they might be thinking the same about you and the shit that you’ve just served on their plate.

But hey i dont know about you but i’m not clocking time or throwing shade cause at the end of the day we are FRIENDS and FRIENDS LET EACH OTHER TALK, BITCH, RANT whatever you want to call it…and if you call yourself a friend, you have the duty to listen and react accordingly..don’t just leave them polite and PRETEND to be interested. pretending isn’t being fake. pretending in this context is POLITE..and it could very well SAVE a friendship.

But i understand that some people don’t necessarily share the same courtesy or manners..i dont know, maybe some just have terrible ADD. but to those who are reading this..perhaps try to be a little bit more kinder? be a bit more conscious of your actions towards others.

Good friends at this age aren’t easy to find..and you’re not perfect. Appreciate those who cared enough to stay in your life*.

*this is also a self reminder.

Doraemon kimsalam.

My dear Lisa, you are one of the best listeners in my life and i’m glad our paths crossed. Happy 32nd birthday chook. I couldn’t ask for a better bestie. Love you.

(she doesn’t read here, she doesn’t need to, cause she listens)


asal bubus bali baru (repost)

I have been deciphering French news all week. Should’ve opted for French instead of Computer Studies in Form 1. I can’t believe Computer Studies was even a thing. Most of us didn’t even have a computer at home to practice with in those days and we were expected to learn DOS Commands by heart. I would’ve gained more mileage learning to count in French. Ani mcm…

C:\> ingat ingau?

I can never remember jua whether it’s a forward backslash or the opposite..and i always get my ‘:’ and ‘;’ mixed up…like how i get identical twins mixed up in real life.. mcm ko ani si Bibi kah Bibah? Si bahadur kah si baharum? Si Mumui kah Si Alai?

I think I would’ve been better off taking HOME ECONOMICS too. Balureh jua ku menjahit sluar kraja ku yang banyak bubus ani. Ani asal cuyak (kuyak, carik, cayik) paksa bali baru…

C:\>asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru

seluar mu pun mau ku menjahitkan.

Lainkali sudah ku beranak, semua anakku ku skulahkan skulah Cina. Mun nada skulah cina, skulah India. Mun nada skulah India, ku tinggalkan dalam hutan suruh beguru sama Iban. I can’t stress how important it is to speak other languages apart from your mother tongue.

But yeah i really need to start learning French properly. At least read lah. I’ll deal with the pronunciation later.

merci pour fixer mon pantalon…

thank you for fixing my pants.

au revoir.

Pet Peeve

Word of caution: this is a rant. if you think you can’t handle bitchy today, please close this window now.

I hate it when people write ‘I won’t add you unless i know you’ on their instagram profile page. It just sounds arrogant, narcissistic and barigali and unless you are someone on the same standing as Princess Syahrini, i reckon the best thing for you to do is to quietly turn down saja these requests. I’m sure at some point your wannabe followers knew what they were getting into anyway.

Jangantah kan perasahan sana atu…mcm ‘haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai aku ani bukan pelakon, bukan artis, bukan penyanyi..bukan pemes lah actuallynya, but pls…………………don’t add me unless u know me k’.

Ku block, delete kau saja sampai kiamat.


This slipar will hit you even if it doesn’t know you.