day one

oh dear! i realised i didn’t blog at all last year. It’s like i went through a time warp and here i am in 2020. 2019 proved to be the most challenging year ever. I was busier than ever (work), i was more anxious than ever. don’t think ive never been this uncertain in my life ever.

im here trying to recall some of the blog-post worthy events which may have happened… there was ONE. Actually two.

I started baking again. I was taking orders again and business was doing very well. I’m grateful that i have loyal followers from my ancient blogging days who are still buying my brownies today.

ok. at least something good came out of 2019.

here’s to 2020. and whatever it may bring.

kiss me.


hey livie. havent paid this year.

hehe. oh and hello to you too.

I’m back on the island. I have been officially introduced to Smith and i totally get the appeal now. I’ve never missed a facial and my skincare is on point. Total cost of kampong upkeep: close to 600 bucks a month – personal trainer included. What is not included are my anti-hestamines stash, manicures , pedicures, and trips to a nearby country for haircuts and the shit tons of clothes i buy online.

This is why i can’t quit my job and uh also the fact that i am still an impulsive can’t say no shopper. I need to fucking save.

btw. just to be clear (and less obnoxious) the haircuts i get overseas are not exactly better than if i was to get one in Brunei. i just have trust issues.


I love being home. I love how calm and peaceful it is here. No speed limits to watch out for. No parking tickets and i appreciate how everything is within reach. i dont even get questioned about the M word anymore. People just assume that i just graduated from University. “ah anak bungsu kah?” to which i will reply “Yup!”. Org 30 tahun pun expect aku mencium tangan durang. (uh. no bitch. kau cium tanganku pls.)

I dont know how long i have until i run out of collagen. so i’m running with it.

Everyone’s trying to sell me vitamins and supplements of some sort. I’ve promised meetings with a handful of beauty influencers. tunggu dulu girls, aku save usin dulu. At the offer of another beauty instagrammer, I’m currently also waiting for my allergy tests to come back. Paid 280 bucks to get strands of my hair shipped to Singapore to get it tested. I hope it will tell me that i’m allergic to EVERYTHING… u know. just to get my money’s worth. I’ve actually been tested for allergies a few years back.. and i discovered that i was allergic to dust mites, dog and cat hair…well maybe this time ill be allergic to all the animals in the zoo.

i should really stop clicking on all of the sponsored ads on instagram. semua tah kan pemes krg ani di instagram. semua pun kan jadi social influencer. semua pun kan mengendorse product. semua pun kan bejual maajun kuat selasa. tp ok plang kali. If i wasn’t working i’d probably be riding on the same wave.

just a few days ago i was asked to participate in a youth survey.

some of the questions were very confronting and since it was anonymous the coordinators urged us to be honest. so this is what i wrote when asked to list the top 3 occupations we would “actually prefer”.

well…. actuallynya:
1. Business owner
2. Content Creator
3. Housewife

translated into layman terms:
Business owner= kadai instagram jual kain tapi private.
Content Creator = Full time instagrammer.
Housewife = buka instagram baby (kucing).

*side note: baik plang ku taruh sana “main tiktok”

i love my cat. if i had all the time in the world i would be a no 3 in a heart beat. haha. he recently had a lion cut. so cutesies in the world. he looks like he’s in a birthday suit 24/7.

i love cutting my hair short too. this is what ive just discovered very liberating. mcm ive got 99 problems and my hair aint one. not anymore. kalau gunting bida pun nda apa. i know this is pretty rich coming from a girl who gets her haircut overseas..tapi banar i am at peace w the fact that IT WILL FUCKING GROW. short hair means that you can shampoo every day and take 5 minutes of ur time saja to dry it. it’s so easy.

banyak lagi kan diingaukan. mun ganya rambut.

so yeah 99 problems. and my hair aint one.

but you know what my problem is? basic malay ladies in their tudong and ferragamo jelly flats with a chanel woc worn cross bodied. these trolls walk down hallways thinking their all that. cant stand the sight of them. and they seem to be everywhere. more on this next time.

anyway kissing 2018 goodbye. it has been a very challenging year. new job. adjusting back to the old life. i can only wish for a better 2019.

ok love u bye.

back in brunei.

thank god.

Brussels felt like a never-ending dream. the scary and the good kind. it’s good to be back home for a while…good opportunity to reconnect with friends, family and my spirituality. Puasa is on its way too.

I cannot wait to walk the 100m to the masjid for tarawikh and breaking fast at 6 pm. lol. One thing I learned is that one should never take things like the time the sun sets and tropical weather for granted.

anyway. will blog when i have the time.

selamat malam.

how do you work out?

*flips tyre*

I have noticed a surge of personal workout vids on my very Bruneian instagram lately (i have two accounts, one with alot of follower, mostly Bruneians the other is a more controlled account). and I’ve been seeing a hell lot of tyre flipping. if they’re not flipping tyres, they’re doing box jumps in hotel rooms replacing boxes with basicly they’re just jumping on their hotel beds lah. like who the fuck does this? if i had an air bnb and i found out that my guests were doing jump drills on my bed..i would be very dissapointed. wouldn’t you? anyway common courtesy isn’t really the issue here. I’m just sick of scrolling through a feed of tyre flips, box jumps , kettle ball swings, mountain climbs and what have you! sometimes i wonder if i should get my instagram account checked for doping.

if you are not a professional coach or promoting your own gym..i’m sorry. but you’re at the risk of looking like a paloi idiot. banar pulang, i dont deny that it’s good for self motivation .. but we wont be having this conversation if you posted a video of you planking for 10 days straight. but u know that aint going to happen esp when instagram limits video uploads to ONE MINUTE. ani mun ganya planking sikit2, mengangkat sikit sikit.. baik ku mengupload video ku begaru. kira sama lah istilahnya cematu……. trivial.

fine. i was at one point of my life guilty of advertising my daily runs on instagram…to be clear, NEVER actual videos of me running though… but i have also stopped doing this because i realised that if i thought org lain looked obnoxious doing it… it’s probably the same when i do it!

*flips tyre*

ok lah aku bagi diskaun..mun seminggu sekali aku meliat kau planking mcm buaya di sungai aku bagi chan lah ah…tp mun hari hari…kau kan TRX FGX MXX O XX LXX F XX XXX arah feed ku….sorry. i cant guys. i mean if its a lompat jauh kah… balance beams kah..floor excercise yang pakai ribin ribin atu lah ok lagi, syok lagi ku melayan …KU SCREEN SHOT LAGI TU KAU MAIN RIBIN RIBINI AH …KU VIRAL KAN……..ani doi mun ganya inggan lumpat lumpat atas katil… flip flip tayar……u must be out of ur flippin mind.

*flips tyre*

so i know at this point some of you are probably going.. block plang jangan plang di liat..

well.. its hard because you can’t pick and choose what u want to to see on ur feed and i dont understand whyyyyyy these people insists on posting up a video when you can use the story option instead. that way, it’s easy to fucking MUTE you….to death.

so guys…i beg of you…

bring back the baby photos…………………………………………………………………………….not.

*flips finger*

this is why i have two fucking instagram accounts.


btw. dimana drg membali tayar basar2 atu ah? im just thinking about the countless number of 3 wheeled monster trucks driving around brunei at the moment…


sigh. why do we always have to conform? just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean that you have to.

kiss me.

aggressively opinionated

i have a tendency to be aggressively opinionated. this is not a secret. i’ve even lost a few friends because of it. some friendships are permanently broken but gratefully the ones that matter eventually came around and we’ve picked up the pieces to slowly accept each other again.

Just so you know, the bluntness is never malicious and it’s always coming from a good place. I always find myself biting my tongue and keeping to the mantra of “not saying anything if you don’t have anything nice to say”.

ive realised that my frankness is both my strength and weakness. not all appreciate it and im working on sugar coating my words a little bit better. i dont like to see people hurt. even if sebenarnya, actually nya, actualliest nya i mean well.

anyway, turning 32 in a few weeks. planning a very colourful birthday MONTH. Will be doing a little bit of travelling (expecting CAKE at every single stop :P) and hopefully i will also get some soul searching in the mix.

Pretty content with life at the moment. Im neither overjoyed or unhappy .. but im ok. im somewhere in between. Alhamdulillah. I have to maintain this level of gratitude for everything that’s going well in my life.

i hope everyone has been good too.

smell ya later.

kiss me.

Love story with Melbourne.

Melbourne, It has always been a little hipster. Its alleyway restaurants, hidden hair salons , rooftop bars, the coffee and brunch culture. soooooo hipster. long before hipster was even a thing…i think it was just ‘COOL’ to be doing these sort of things back in those days. Coolster.

I don’t know if it was the exhaustion from not taking any leave from Jan – Nov last year but I remember waking up one morning, utterly dissapointed that i didn’t get to have a bite of the Max Brenner waffle which popped up in my dreams. I was so close to putting it in my mouth when i was woken up by my alarm. true story yo. As my heart broke into little pieces i proceeded to book myself a 10 day trip to Melbourne which happened in December.

It was good to be back. My best friends were still around. I also made it a point to have coffee with Ms. Khoo. Some of my old readers would be familiar with this name. She was the Boarding house caretaker whom i met when i was just shy of 16. It was in good timing too cause it was her last week at MLC. Although i would’ve liked to take a tour of my old school (it was closed for summer hols), seeing Ms Khoo was enough. It was like time had stood still. I had never left. She shared anecdotes and little pieces of her life over coffee and hotcakes at one of the many new “hipster” establishments that had opened a few blocks down from my old school. She told me how she used to be a teacher and why she migrated to Australia. She also reminded me how i blew thousands of dollars at Nandos. It was wonderful catching up.

Of course, another reason to go to Melbourne if not for the waffles was to catch up with the Hassan sisters. There’s Nawa the middle child, who i was best friends with first. and then Nadia the eldest girl who was my best friend second..and then Nadirah the baby of the bunch who i got closer to towards the end of my time in University. It was also a good opportunity to reintroduce myself to the now 2 year old baby Z-girl and my first time meeting 2 month old Z-boy. In short, it was a family reunion. from a different father, different mother kind of family reunion.

We spent our time doing what we did best: laugh, eat, laugh, eat, laugh and laugh and laugh. I These people were just the ‘holiday’ i part is that I got my waffle and i ate it too!

Surrounded by familiar people, it might seem like Melbourne has not changed. But walking around the city, a part of me understood that it had. Hipster has somewhat grew mainstream..and our “secret” hangout spots were now tourist attractions,quiet tram rides were unheard of and Gong Cha has replaced Starbucks and made its mark on each and every corner of the city.

The understated European vibe it once had has now progressed into something more confident. I would associate it to the likes of Singapore or Hong Kong. Not necessarily bad – i guess one just has to accept that things change.

I went home with a happy tummy, chubbier cheeks, very tanned skinned and higher spirits. That was one of the best vacations of my life. What was also good is that I managed to reflect on my past and present. Being back in Melbourne after a long time did trigger alot of emotions most of which were little regrets here and there how i wished i had indulged in the Botanical gardens.. how i wished i had properly taken up sports in i wish, how i wish, how i wish… u know all the little opportunities that i missed.

Now, coming back to my life in Belgium. This could be my last year and i do not want to come back 10 years later and wished i had done more of the things that i should’ve done when I was here. So this year, i’m going to have to change my mindset a little. Stop whining and just bask in this moment and take on the opportunities like Carpe freaking diem!

I’ve been back in Brussels 3 weeks. And although im missing the sun and struggling to self medicate my homesickness i refuse to let it permeate. Andangnya namanya life ani kan? sometimes you upstairs sometimes you downstairs but don’t give up 🙂 no one should give up living just because things are not going their way. Everyone is fighting their own battle.

My prayers go out to those who were affected by the Car attacks last week in Melbourne.

I had a feeling that my trip to Melbourne was calculated, and i knew i had met you for a good reason. You are in god’s hands now. Rest in peace baby boy. Alfatihah.


balum lagi, inshallah.

Not sure what i’m going to write about. I’m about to wing it.

Winter is here despite falling 20 days short of it. Kemarin my facebook memory alert reminded me that this time around last year street entertainers were still in shorts. ani cuba tia seluar pindik… inda jua jadi statue. aku ani menunggu snow saja ni kan jadi si Elsa. Elsa binti Junit.


We havent had sunshine for 3 weeks straight. All my life i’ve never had a doctor prescribe me with Vitamin D. Apparently in countries where sunlight is abundant you produce your own Vitamin D. Inda plang ku sure untuk apa Vitamin D ani.. but if i could associate it with a flavour it would taste like the beach. Kalau ku makan 10 biji…mcm ke Hawaii kali effect nya. ataupun effect mcm lapas kana suruh bebaris acara padang hari hari for one month…hahahaha imagine ku bangun skali ada takah tudung warna putih siring siring muka ku hahahahaa and i dont even wear the tudung..- “balum lagi..inshallah.”

i dont know why the end of that sentence seems to be the standard disclaimer for non-hijab wearing girls. i wouldn’t say it myself, but when i do say i don’t wear the hijab..almost always, someone near me would chime in and go ‘balum lagi, inshallah’. I wonder if these people are one day going to charge me for their services.

memang lah balum lagi, inshallah!!! membari pressure saja jua kau ani. krg kana tanya ku balik ‘brapa tah aribulannya inshallah ani?’ apa jawapan ku?? apa ??? APA??????????????????? skali ku telipun line 1800-balum-lagi-inshallah ani engage tia memanjang..ku whatsapp whatsapp nda lagi pandai menjawab. Di hawaii tia kali bagas makan vitamin D.

ok nothing’s been going on in my life. i’m just looking forward to my december holiday.

havent taken leave the whole im feeling somewhat entitled. tau ku plang ngaleh lagi kau. lol. kraja mu cangkul2 pasal atu kau ngaleh.

my neck is suffering the effects of ‘salah bantal’. tapi lurus bantal yang ku pakai atu. ive always wondered where that saying came from. bantal nya kah salah? ataupun mcm ‘aku salah limpangkan kepala ku’. kesian bantal yang inda besalah ani jadi besalah. sudah pun inda besalah, kana jamur lagi tu mcm kanak2 primary school yang kedapatan membaca sweet valley kids bawah mija skulah ugama.

interestingly i came across an article this morning about how the pain you experience in the different parts of your body is related to how you’re feeling emotionally. Kalau lihir ani nya i may have difficulties forgiving.

and that’s really something to think about. nya skali sakit lutut…*tries to remember* oh u have a problem with your ego.

tadi sakit plang lutut ku ani. ani baik tia sudah. he he he.

kalau sakit belakang… you have financial worries..

im not making this up guys…i saw it on facebook…… it must be legit.


but if this is the case, then we wouldnt have to resort to medicine anymore. i dont have to see the doctors for my ailments…exsp kalau doktor mu doktor dari belgium kau minta ubat eczema ia bagi banyak2 vitamin d.
so yes, unless they can cure me with money, compliments and pay me enough money to more doktoi for me.

tp come to think of it. it could also be that time of the month. and if this is the case then chocolate and sleep fixes everything. sama jua kalau badan mu gatal2.. esp kalau gatal2 nya di EHEM EHEM…bukan ehem ehem bawah..ehem ehem atas huhuhu… jangantah sibuk2 mencari antihestamine.. kau kan period tu ertinya bah eh.

k bye.

signing off..

Dr Elsa binti Junit

Just signing in.

It has been a while innit?

Ive just been keeping myself busy with work and the dramas of Rupaul’s All Stars Drag Race season two. When i’m not watching drag queens lip sync for their lives, i’m on netflix……… trying not to watch Tyrant because it’s racist, Islamophobic and racist, racist, racist….but i can’t keep my eyes off the tv. When im not torrenting, netflixing, you can find me on (ordering food) or chasing pavements. Find me on that Nike running app. i think i’m Syazwana18 or Syazwana, not sure. but when you find me, you’d see my face.

and i have nothing else to add.

bye bye.