Just signing in.

It has been a while innit?

Ive just been keeping myself busy with work and the dramas of Rupaul’s All Stars Drag Race season two. When i’m not watching drag queens lip sync for their lives, i’m on netflix……… trying not to watch Tyrant because it’s racist, Islamophobic and racist, racist, racist….but i can’t keep my eyes off the tv. When im not torrenting, netflixing, you can find me on pizza.be (ordering food) or chasing pavements. Find me on that Nike running app. i think i’m Syazwana18 or Syazwana, not sure. but when you find me, you’d see my face.

and i have nothing else to add.

bye bye.

Muhasabah diri.

I cannot find my flats. My 10 euro H&M flats. I couldn’t have left it at yoga because 1. i havent been going 😛 2. if i did, ill probably remember walking to my care barefooted…cobbled stones are sakit. i don’t know where they are, at the same i’m also questioning why is it that i never buy more than a pair? i mean…. at 10 euros, it’s affordable enough. and depending on how sweaty your feet are, they COULD last a very long time.. huhu. i guess it all boils down to priorities…. i tend to turn a blind eye on them.

i guess that’s what you get for being impulsive. not exactly the kind that would go bungee jumping in the spur of the moment, but the type that would reach for a $XXXX bag instead of the pack of spendet at $XX. *face palm* i’m also known to yolo a 3 piece box from Hector (Belgium’s answer to KFC) when i’m on a freaking diet. i need to change. At 31, i need to be more in control of myself. So here’s the plan….

– go on hnm.com and get at least 3 pairs of black flats.
– buy new spendet
– try not to pass a Hector on the way to /work/home…./hector
– no (binge)eating after 7. lolz
– sembahyang 5 kali sehari.
– it’s time to start spending wisely…..start a budget.
– be kinder to myself.
– bitch about people less
– gotta start taking care of myself better: eating well. get enough sleep. routine pedicure manicure, cabut bulu kirai bulu misai dan sebagainya.
– be grateful every day.

sounds easy enough.

i’ll let you know how i go.

kiss me.

Cookies yang beracun.

I hate Youtube ads. Actually, I hate all ads, Actually. But I hate Youtube ads the most. Youtube ads are the worst. they’re like the Aunty-Aunty you never want to bump into during hari raya. The kind who’d ask you when you are going to kawin? instead of a ‘how are you?’. The exact kind who’d turn you into an ANTI-AUNTY-AUNTY.

I don’t know what’s exactly in my cookies but lately, youtube’s been showing me baby food ads, pregnancy kit ads… mcm..yo? have i been trying to adopt a baby… online…IN MY SLEEP KAH? sleep surfing! that’s it! have i been sleep surfing???? every time i see these pregnancy kit ads..family car ads… family holiday ads… and i’m like ‘YO. YOU TUBE. Was that a read????’

lol even when im thousands of miles away from kampong life, i have cookies…..judging me!

let me think. how has my ‘surfing lifestyle changed’ in the last couple of weeks….mm.. maybe it’s all the ‘kitchen/closet/bedroom/bathroom organizing ideas’ ive entered on google..and the ‘lowest price search’ for a dyson vacuum ???

i dono y. but i think im developing abit of an ocd.

not at all bad. but i dont know how wanting to be more organized and neater translates to having kids?




i just literally thought about this as i typed.



case solved.

i’m having a baby.


a food baby.

ok then.

Puasa di seberang laut.

I think i only did 3 days of fasting last year. I should be embarrassed and I am. But I told myself i’ll make it up this year and will try to puasa as many days as i can. The struggle is in the long hours and the heat of summer. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this year, the seasons have been temperamental. Tulips were growing in winter and spring felt like summer and now that summer’s been here for two weeks, it’s been raining kittens and puppies and i find myself in the basement trying to get my central heating to work again.

So the weather’s acting up like a bad flu..but its ok. i actually prefer it this way rather than having to deal with the actual wrath of summer… and perhaps this is a chance for me to get in more fasting days. I’m entering the 6th day … and it hasn’t been so bad. almost. this also means that ive been off coffee ..like ‘cold turkey’ off coffee..for almost 6 days and i’m still experiencing some set backs in the mornings..but i do feel i’m getting better.

slow pulang masih..mcm to the point that i’m surprised i’m still able to remember who i am when i wake up to go to work in the mornings. Anothing thing i discovered today is that i better stay off the roads whilst fasting because the roads aren’t as friendly. not like they were friendly to begin with but lets just say i wouldn’t want to be a pedestrian during this fasting month, exsp when i know I’M BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL.

Earlier after work i thought i’d venture out into the city to pay the asian grocery a visit.. i quickly regretted the decision when i realised that my mind wasn’t as sharp to anticipate pedestrians crossing from ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE OF THE PRINCESS OF THE EARTH and having to find alternative routes due to closed roads and tunnels. mcm. shit. i couldn’t freakin deal! every time i glanced at Waze it kept on showing that it would take me at least 25-30 minutes to get home… i felt like i was on a never ending mountain hike with lunatics. but hey on the upside i scored Kangkung and Yan Yan!

When i reached home with my kangkung haul it was almost six… took a nap to wake up at 8pm.. haha siang masih. these days, whenever i take a nap and wake up around 7-8pm and still be greeted by the glaring sun, i make a little joke and tel myself – “kalau kan menjamur bantal pun sampat lagi ni”.

these long hours sans coffee are really #ramadhanchallenge hashtag worthy yo. this is the longest ive gone without coffee in my system. not even a drop. i hate the fact that i’m so dependent on it.. i need it to function.. i need it to remember where i’m going …i need it to remember MY NAME. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it. It’s time for all that to change.

huhu.hopefully by next week i can go back to living like a normal human being……. also known as ‘a tea drinker’

hahaha. jeng jeng jeng.

The only ramadhan hack that i can certify as full proof is to drink loads and loads of water. I usually get 3 litres on a normal day and i’ve been able to work in the same amount since the start of puasa.. the only shortcoming is the fact that i am forced to chug everything in a shorter time period. Not easy when fasting starts at 3am and ends at 9:54pm… and having to wake up between 3am and 8am to freakin PEE. I lose sleep to PEE. It doesn’t help that the sun rises as early as 3:30 alongside birds singing like they’re in a choir competition.

on another note i hope this month brings us all the other joys of life and akhirat. inshallah.

selamat berpuasa everyone.

kiss me.

asal bubus bali baru (repost)

I have been deciphering French news all week. Should’ve opted for French instead of Computer Studies in Form 1. I can’t believe Computer Studies was even a thing. Most of us didn’t even have a computer at home to practice with in those days and we were expected to learn DOS Commands by heart. I would’ve gained more mileage learning to count in French. Ani mcm…

C:\> ingat ingau?

I can never remember jua whether it’s a forward backslash or the opposite..and i always get my ‘:’ and ‘;’ mixed up…like how i get identical twins mixed up in real life.. mcm ..eh ko ani si Bibi kah Bibah? Si bahadur kah si baharum? Si Mumui kah Si Alai?

I think I would’ve been better off taking HOME ECONOMICS too. Balureh jua ku menjahit sluar kraja ku yang banyak bubus ani. Ani asal cuyak (kuyak, carik, cayik) paksa bali baru…

C:\>asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru

seluar mu pun mau ku menjahitkan.

Lainkali sudah ku beranak, semua anakku ku skulahkan skulah Cina. Mun nada skulah cina, skulah India. Mun nada skulah India, ku tinggalkan dalam hutan suruh beguru sama Iban. I can’t stress how important it is to speak other languages apart from your mother tongue.

But yeah i really need to start learning French properly. At least read lah. I’ll deal with the pronunciation later.

merci pour fixer mon pantalon…

thank you for fixing my pants.

au revoir.


What is my idea of a perfect day in(doors)?

-Sleeping in and only waking up at noon.
-fries and ice cream.
-Hot Chocolate.
-Streaming TV.
-Hours and hours of Sims.

Well. Too bad for me it’s MONDAY which means i’m on a strict diet of rabbit and fish food. I’ve just had my period so there’s absolutely no excuse for me to inhale a line of milk chocolate digestives and the milk that would’ve been perfect to go with it has got to be Soy this week! I can tolerate soy but it takes a lot for me to take out a carton of soy milk from the fridge then it would for full fat. This whole life style change is painful. If i had 3 wishes, one is to wish for faster metabolism. Banartah aku mcm mau ferrari of all metabolisms……. If only i was more aware of my body as a kid. I think i would’ve taken up sports a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago. Macam banar2 ku belajar main Squash..badminton ka…swimming kah.. even running for that matter. If i knew it was this enjoyable i would’ve taken it up in my early 20s. Ani mikin tua ani payah kan kurus. mcm sama lah payahnya mcm kan manjangkan rambut after a really horrible haircut. lol.