Puasa di seberang laut.

I think i only did 3 days of fasting last year. I should be embarrassed and I am. But I told myself i’ll make it up this year and will try to puasa as many days as i can. The struggle is in the long hours and the heat of summer. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this year, the seasons have been temperamental. Tulips were growing in winter and spring felt like summer and now that summer’s been here for two weeks, it’s been raining kittens and puppies and i find myself in the basement trying to get my central heating to work again.

So the weather’s acting up like a bad flu..but its ok. i actually prefer it this way rather than having to deal with the actual wrath of summer… and perhaps this is a chance for me to get in more fasting days. I’m entering the 6th day … and it hasn’t been so bad. almost. this also means that ive been off coffee ..like ‘cold turkey’ off coffee..for almost 6 days and i’m still experiencing some set backs in the mornings..but i do feel i’m getting better.

slow pulang masih..mcm to the point that i’m surprised i’m still able to remember who i am when i wake up to go to work in the mornings. Anothing thing i discovered today is that i better stay off the roads whilst fasting because the roads aren’t as friendly. not like they were friendly to begin with but lets just say i wouldn’t want to be a pedestrian during this fasting month, exsp when i know I’M BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL.

Earlier after work i thought i’d venture out into the city to pay the asian grocery a visit.. i quickly regretted the decision when i realised that my mind wasn’t as sharp to anticipate pedestrians crossing from ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE OF THE PRINCESS OF THE EARTH and having to find alternative routes due to closed roads and tunnels. mcm. shit. i couldn’t freakin deal! every time i glanced at Waze it kept on showing that it would take me at least 25-30 minutes to get home… i felt like i was on a never ending mountain hike with lunatics. but hey on the upside i scored Kangkung and Yan Yan!

When i reached home with my kangkung haul it was almost six… took a nap to wake up at 8pm.. haha siang masih. these days, whenever i take a nap and wake up around 7-8pm and still be greeted by the glaring sun, i make a little joke and tel myself – “kalau kan menjamur bantal pun sampat lagi ni”.

these long hours sans coffee are really #ramadhanchallenge hashtag worthy yo. this is the longest ive gone without coffee in my system. not even a drop. i hate the fact that i’m so dependent on it.. i need it to function.. i need it to remember where i’m going …i need it to remember MY NAME. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it. It’s time for all that to change.

huhu.hopefully by next week i can go back to living like a normal human being……. also known as ‘a tea drinker’

hahaha. jeng jeng jeng.

The only ramadhan hack that i can certify as full proof is to drink loads and loads of water. I usually get 3 litres on a normal day and i’ve been able to work in the same amount since the start of puasa.. the only shortcoming is the fact that i am forced to chug everything in a shorter time period. Not easy when fasting starts at 3am and ends at 9:54pm… and having to wake up between 3am and 8am to freakin PEE. I lose sleep to PEE. It doesn’t help that the sun rises as early as 3:30 alongside birds singing like they’re in a choir competition.

on another note i hope this month brings us all the other joys of life and akhirat. inshallah.

selamat berpuasa everyone.

kiss me.

asal bubus bali baru (repost)

I have been deciphering French news all week. Should’ve opted for French instead of Computer Studies in Form 1. I can’t believe Computer Studies was even a thing. Most of us didn’t even have a computer at home to practice with in those days and we were expected to learn DOS Commands by heart. I would’ve gained more mileage learning to count in French. Ani mcm…

C:\> ingat ingau?

I can never remember jua whether it’s a forward backslash or the opposite..and i always get my ‘:’ and ‘;’ mixed up…like how i get identical twins mixed up in real life.. mcm ..eh ko ani si Bibi kah Bibah? Si bahadur kah si baharum? Si Mumui kah Si Alai?

I think I would’ve been better off taking HOME ECONOMICS too. Balureh jua ku menjahit sluar kraja ku yang banyak bubus ani. Ani asal cuyak (kuyak, carik, cayik) paksa bali baru…

C:\>asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru asal bubus bali baru

seluar mu pun mau ku menjahitkan.

Lainkali sudah ku beranak, semua anakku ku skulahkan skulah Cina. Mun nada skulah cina, skulah India. Mun nada skulah India, ku tinggalkan dalam hutan suruh beguru sama Iban. I can’t stress how important it is to speak other languages apart from your mother tongue.

But yeah i really need to start learning French properly. At least read lah. I’ll deal with the pronunciation later.

merci pour fixer mon pantalon…

thank you for fixing my pants.

au revoir.


What is my idea of a perfect day in(doors)?

-Sleeping in and only waking up at noon.
-fries and ice cream.
-Hot Chocolate.
-Streaming TV.
-Hours and hours of Sims.

Well. Too bad for me it’s MONDAY which means i’m on a strict diet of rabbit and fish food. I’ve just had my period so there’s absolutely no excuse for me to inhale a line of milk chocolate digestives and the milk that would’ve been perfect to go with it has got to be Soy this week! I can tolerate soy but it takes a lot for me to take out a carton of soy milk from the fridge then it would for full fat. This whole life style change is painful. If i had 3 wishes, one is to wish for faster metabolism. Banartah aku mcm mau ferrari of all metabolisms……. If only i was more aware of my body as a kid. I think i would’ve taken up sports a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago. Macam banar2 ku belajar main Squash..badminton ka…swimming kah.. even running for that matter. If i knew it was this enjoyable i would’ve taken it up in my early 20s. Ani mikin tua ani payah kan kurus. mcm sama lah payahnya mcm kan manjangkan rambut after a really horrible haircut. lol.


Back to Bikram

I browsed my old posts for documentations of my first Bikram experience. It was on 19 November 2007.It was 8-ish years ago when i first tried out this variation of yoga – and loved it. Bikram is one of those things that you would either love or hate. And i happened to love it. The only reason why i stopped was because i came to the end of my studying years in Melbourne and had to go back to Brunei.

I picked it up again in the Winter of 2014 while i was working in New York. Disheartened (and FAT) that i wasn’t able to run in the cold i picked up my mat and signed up for 6 weeks of Bikram Yoga which was conveniently located a few blocks away from the United Nations. And just like that, i had fallen in love with it all over again. I was dating Bikram for a month and a half and went home to Brunei a slimmer, happier, new me – and then Brussels happened, Chocolate happened. Frites happened. Gaufre happened. SHIT happened.

The only Bikram yoga studio close to my workplace sucked. I recall mentioning it in my previous posts, instructors were shit and i simply gave up going. Anyway, by August of last year i found myself with a few spare tyres and absolutely nothing to wear 🙁 . Desperate, I turned to private Pilates lessons. Although it didn’t really help me with my weight loss, Pilates did inspired me to get back on track. I was eating well and exercising more. Before i knew it it was December..and in the harshness of winter, i felt the need to sweat so i told myself i’d give bikram yoga another go despite it’s short comings.

And boy, I’m glad i went to that class because it was absolutely the best thing that has happened to me since moving to Belgium.

As my luck would have it , the old studio was bought out by a new owner who converted the Bikram slum to a proper Bikram Yoga Studio, with actual certified yoga teachers! The new owner apparently lived and taught in Australia for a few years before moving back to Belgium.

Who would’ve thought an 11 y.o establishment would be revamped during my time in the country? I guess it was meant to be. I was meant to be a Bikram Yogi. lol. So now I try to go 4 times a week and I’ve been at it for almost six weeks now and i’m starting to feel alot better. To date, I’ve lost all the unnecessary weight i’ve packed in the last year (THANK GOD) but I have to lose at least 5kgs more reach my goal..

and my goal is to be Gigi Hadid………………NOT.

lol. I just want to fit into nice clothes again. i love clothes. But yeah if you’re anywhere near a Bikram Studio i recommend you to give it a go, the postures aren’t as intense as the other Yogas but you just need to get used to the heat. I love it because the heat reminds me of running in the tropics – sans coconut water. I also try to get 45 minutes of running on the treadmill a week and some light weights in my routine. Only because I want nice slim arms for summer.

Monday beckons. Time for Savasana.


dalam perjalanan ini,
mencari arti mengenali diri,
siapa kita sebenarnya,
tika dan waktu suatu suratan,
akhirnya ketemu…

akhirnya ketemu…

aku rindu.