alway within sight but nothing ever really manifests.

so sad.

[googles quote on patience]

thank god.

Brussels felt like a never-ending dream. the scary and the good kind. it’s good to be back home for a while…good opportunity to reconnect with friends, family and my spirituality. Puasa is on its way too.

I cannot wait to walk the 100m to the masjid for tarawikh and breaking fast at 6 pm. lol. One thing I learned is that one should never take things like the time the sun sets and tropical weather for granted.

anyway. will blog when i have the time.

selamat malam.

i have a tendency to be aggressively opinionated. this is not a secret. i’ve even lost a few friends because of it. some friendships are permanently broken but gratefully the ones that matter eventually came around and we’ve picked up the pieces to slowly accept each other again.

Just so you know, the bluntness is never malicious and it’s always coming from a good place. I always find myself biting my tongue and keeping to the mantra of “not saying anything if you don’t have anything nice to say”.

ive realised that my frankness is both my strength and weakness. not all appreciate it and im working on sugar coating my words a little bit better. i dont like to see people hurt. even if sebenarnya, actually nya, actualliest nya i mean well.

anyway, turning 32 in a few weeks. planning a very colourful birthday MONTH. Will be doing a little bit of travelling (expecting CAKE at every single stop :P) and hopefully i will also get some soul searching in the mix.

Pretty content with life at the moment. Im neither overjoyed or unhappy .. but im ok. im somewhere in between. Alhamdulillah. I have to maintain this level of gratitude for everything that’s going well in my life.

i hope everyone has been good too.

smell ya later.

kiss me.

Not sure what i’m going to write about. I’m about to wing it.

Winter is here despite falling 20 days short of it. Kemarin my facebook memory alert reminded me that this time around last year street entertainers were still in shorts. ani cuba tia seluar pindik… inda jua jadi statue. aku ani menunggu snow saja ni kan jadi si Elsa. Elsa binti Junit.

hahaha.

We havent had sunshine for 3 weeks straight. All my life i’ve never had a doctor prescribe me with Vitamin D. Apparently in countries where sunlight is abundant you produce your own Vitamin D. Inda plang ku sure untuk apa Vitamin D ani.. but if i could associate it with a flavour it would taste like the beach. Kalau ku makan 10 biji…mcm ke Hawaii kali effect nya. ataupun effect mcm lapas kana suruh bebaris acara padang hari hari for one month…hahahaha imagine ku bangun skali ada takah tudung warna putih siring siring muka ku hahahahaa and i dont even wear the tudung..- “balum lagi..inshallah.”

i dont know why the end of that sentence seems to be the standard disclaimer for non-hijab wearing girls. i wouldn’t say it myself, but when i do say i don’t wear the hijab..almost always, someone near me would chime in and go ‘balum lagi, inshallah’. I wonder if these people are one day going to charge me for their services.

memang lah balum lagi, inshallah!!! membari pressure saja jua kau ani. krg kana tanya ku balik ‘brapa tah aribulannya inshallah ani?’ apa jawapan ku?? apa ??? APA??????????????????? skali ku telipun line 1800-balum-lagi-inshallah ani engage tia memanjang..ku whatsapp whatsapp nda lagi pandai menjawab. Di hawaii tia kali bagas makan vitamin D.

ok nothing’s been going on in my life. i’m just looking forward to my december holiday.

havent taken leave the whole year..so im feeling somewhat entitled. tau ku plang ngaleh lagi kau. lol. kraja mu cangkul2 pasal atu kau ngaleh.

my neck is suffering the effects of ‘salah bantal’. tapi lurus bantal yang ku pakai atu. ive always wondered where that saying came from. bantal nya kah salah? ataupun mcm ‘aku salah limpangkan kepala ku’. kesian bantal yang inda besalah ani jadi besalah. sudah pun inda besalah, kana jamur lagi tu mcm kanak2 primary school yang kedapatan membaca sweet valley kids bawah mija skulah ugama.

interestingly i came across an article this morning about how the pain you experience in the different parts of your body is related to how you’re feeling emotionally. Kalau lihir ani nya i may have difficulties forgiving.

and that’s really something to think about. nya skali sakit lutut…*tries to remember* oh u have a problem with your ego.

tadi sakit plang lutut ku ani. ani baik tia sudah. he he he.

kalau sakit belakang… you have financial worries..

im not making this up guys…i saw it on facebook……..so it must be legit.

lol.

but if this is the case, then we wouldnt have to resort to medicine anymore. i dont have to see the doctors for my ailments…exsp kalau doktor mu doktor dari belgium kau minta ubat eczema ia bagi banyak2 vitamin d.
so yes, unless they can cure me with money, compliments and pay me enough money to forgive..no more doktoi for me.

tp come to think of it. it could also be that time of the month. and if this is the case then chocolate and sleep fixes everything. sama jua kalau badan mu gatal2.. esp kalau gatal2 nya di EHEM EHEM…bukan ehem ehem bawah..ehem ehem atas huhuhu… jangantah sibuk2 mencari antihestamine.. kau kan period tu ertinya bah eh.

k bye.

signing off..

Dr Elsa binti Junit

It has been a while innit?

Ive just been keeping myself busy with work and the dramas of Rupaul’s All Stars Drag Race season two. When i’m not watching drag queens lip sync for their lives, i’m on netflix……… trying not to watch Tyrant because it’s racist, Islamophobic and racist, racist, racist….but i can’t keep my eyes off the tv. When im not torrenting, netflixing, you can find me on pizza.be (ordering food) or chasing pavements. Find me on that Nike running app. i think i’m Syazwana18 or Syazwana, not sure. but when you find me, you’d see my face.

and i have nothing else to add.

bye bye.

I cannot find my flats. My 10 euro H&M flats. I couldn’t have left it at yoga because 1. i havent been going 😛 2. if i did, ill probably remember walking to my care barefooted…cobbled stones are sakit. i don’t know where they are, at the same i’m also questioning why is it that i never buy more than a pair? i mean…. at 10 euros, it’s affordable enough. and depending on how sweaty your feet are, they COULD last a very long time.. huhu. i guess it all boils down to priorities…. i tend to turn a blind eye on them.

i guess that’s what you get for being impulsive. not exactly the kind that would go bungee jumping in the spur of the moment, but the type that would reach for a $XXXX bag instead of the pack of spendet at $XX. *face palm* i’m also known to yolo a 3 piece box from Hector (Belgium’s answer to KFC) when i’m on a freaking diet. i need to change. At 31, i need to be more in control of myself. So here’s the plan….

– go on hnm.com and get at least 3 pairs of black flats.
– buy new spendet
– try not to pass a Hector on the way to /work/home…./hector
– no (binge)eating after 7. lolz
– sembahyang 5 kali sehari.
– it’s time to start spending wisely…..start a budget.
– be kinder to myself.
– bitch about people less
– gotta start taking care of myself better: eating well. get enough sleep. routine pedicure manicure, cabut bulu kirai bulu misai dan sebagainya.
– be grateful every day.

sounds easy enough.

i’ll let you know how i go.

kiss me.

I hate Youtube ads. Actually, I hate all ads, Actually. But I hate Youtube ads the most. Youtube ads are the worst. they’re like the Aunty-Aunty you never want to bump into during hari raya. The kind who’d ask you when you are going to kawin? instead of a ‘how are you?’. The exact kind who’d turn you into an ANTI-AUNTY-AUNTY.

I don’t know what’s exactly in my cookies but lately, youtube’s been showing me baby food ads, pregnancy kit ads… mcm..yo? have i been trying to adopt a baby… online…IN MY SLEEP KAH? sleep surfing! that’s it! have i been sleep surfing???? every time i see these pregnancy kit ads..family car ads… family holiday ads… and i’m like ‘YO. YOU TUBE. Was that a read????’

lol even when im thousands of miles away from kampong life, i have cookies…..judging me!

let me think. how has my ‘surfing lifestyle changed’ in the last couple of weeks….mm.. maybe it’s all the ‘kitchen/closet/bedroom/bathroom organizing ideas’ ive entered on google..and the ‘lowest price search’ for a dyson vacuum ???

i dono y. but i think im developing abit of an ocd.

not at all bad. but i dont know how wanting to be more organized and neater translates to having kids?

……………………

OMG.

it’s most probably ALL THE REAL HOUSE WIVES EPISODES IVE BEEN WATCHING.

i just literally thought about this as i typed.

grreat.

LOL.

case solved.

i’m having a baby.

….

a food baby.

ok then.

I think i only did 3 days of fasting last year. I should be embarrassed and I am. But I told myself i’ll make it up this year and will try to puasa as many days as i can. The struggle is in the long hours and the heat of summer. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this year, the seasons have been temperamental. Tulips were growing in winter and spring felt like summer and now that summer’s been here for two weeks, it’s been raining kittens and puppies and i find myself in the basement trying to get my central heating to work again.

So the weather’s acting up like a bad flu..but its ok. i actually prefer it this way rather than having to deal with the actual wrath of summer… and perhaps this is a chance for me to get in more fasting days. I’m entering the 6th day … and it hasn’t been so bad. almost. this also means that ive been off coffee ..like ‘cold turkey’ off coffee..for almost 6 days and i’m still experiencing some set backs in the mornings..but i do feel i’m getting better.

slow pulang masih..mcm to the point that i’m surprised i’m still able to remember who i am when i wake up to go to work in the mornings. Anothing thing i discovered today is that i better stay off the roads whilst fasting because the roads aren’t as friendly. not like they were friendly to begin with but lets just say i wouldn’t want to be a pedestrian during this fasting month, exsp when i know I’M BEHIND THE STEERING WHEEL.

Earlier after work i thought i’d venture out into the city to pay the asian grocery a visit.. i quickly regretted the decision when i realised that my mind wasn’t as sharp to anticipate pedestrians crossing from ALL CORNERS OF THE UNIVERSE OF THE PRINCESS OF THE EARTH and having to find alternative routes due to closed roads and tunnels. mcm. shit. i couldn’t freakin deal! every time i glanced at Waze it kept on showing that it would take me at least 25-30 minutes to get home… i felt like i was on a never ending mountain hike with lunatics. but hey on the upside i scored Kangkung and Yan Yan!

When i reached home with my kangkung haul it was almost six… took a nap to wake up at 8pm.. haha siang masih. these days, whenever i take a nap and wake up around 7-8pm and still be greeted by the glaring sun, i make a little joke and tel myself – “kalau kan menjamur bantal pun sampat lagi ni”.

these long hours sans coffee are really #ramadhanchallenge hashtag worthy yo. this is the longest ive gone without coffee in my system. not even a drop. i hate the fact that i’m so dependent on it.. i need it to function.. i need it to remember where i’m going …i need it to remember MY NAME. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to live without it. It’s time for all that to change.

huhu.hopefully by next week i can go back to living like a normal human being……. also known as ‘a tea drinker’

hahaha. jeng jeng jeng.

The only ramadhan hack that i can certify as full proof is to drink loads and loads of water. I usually get 3 litres on a normal day and i’ve been able to work in the same amount since the start of puasa.. the only shortcoming is the fact that i am forced to chug everything in a shorter time period. Not easy when fasting starts at 3am and ends at 9:54pm… and having to wake up between 3am and 8am to freakin PEE. I lose sleep to PEE. It doesn’t help that the sun rises as early as 3:30 alongside birds singing like they’re in a choir competition.

on another note i hope this month brings us all the other joys of life and akhirat. inshallah.

selamat berpuasa everyone.

kiss me.

annoying jua kau ani.

annoying banar.

yuck.

F OFF.