I should write more often.

this is me trying to write more often.

Someone’s been looking through my old posts. I cringe at the thought of what you guys may find (keep it to yourself please!).

I grew up blogging. somewhere between 2005 and 2020, I grew up. I should perhaps hide my archives but then again..looking at it objectively, I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.

Writing was second nature to me. it probably still is, it’s just that I haven’t been able to focus on it. But now entering the “new norm” we’ve been somewhat stripped off some of our worldly distractions and have no choice but to focus inwards. That’s what I have been doing, getting to know myself a little bit more.

I didn’t realise how distracted I have been in the last decade or so. 10 years is a long time to be distracted. So what has changed since Covid? how have i progressed?

Well.

skajap aku pikir….

Sabar.

Sabar/Patience is a hard skill to master. I’m that girl who would absolutely love to honk the car in front of me just as soon as the traffic lights turn green. It would be ok to do it in Brussels or New Delhi…. in Brunei not so much..(kalau takut pemarang)

But yes. At least these days I am more mindful of it. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but to be patient. It’s work in progress with pretty subjective results.

For me, Sabar is when I stop reacting to strong emotions. there’s a breathing technique I’ve learned which has helped. Although I have yet to let it help me banar-banar. I guess these things will only resonate when it does huh? mcm ani kalau ku benapas banar2 pun masih jua marah atu. last last malamkan nya org.

“Mun marah, malamkan”; one of the best advice I’ve received from an urang lama lol.

kiss me.

day one

oh dear! i realised i didn’t blog at all last year. It’s like i went through a time warp and here i am in 2020. 2019 proved to be the most challenging year ever. I was busier than ever (work), i was more anxious than ever. don’t think ive never been this uncertain in my life ever.

im here trying to recall some of the blog-post worthy events which may have happened… there was ONE. Actually two.

I started baking again. I was taking orders again and business was doing very well. I’m grateful that i have loyal followers from my ancient blogging days who are still buying my brownies today.

ok. at least something good came out of 2019.

here’s to 2020. and whatever it may bring.

kiss me.

back in brunei.

thank god.

Brussels felt like a never-ending dream. the scary and the good kind. it’s good to be back home for a while…good opportunity to reconnect with friends, family and my spirituality. Puasa is on its way too.

I cannot wait to walk the 100m to the masjid for tarawikh and breaking fast at 6 pm. lol. One thing I learned is that one should never take things like the time the sun sets and tropical weather for granted.

anyway. will blog when i have the time.

selamat malam.

aggressively opinionated

i have a tendency to be aggressively opinionated. this is not a secret. i’ve even lost a few friends because of it. some friendships are permanently broken but gratefully the ones that matter eventually came around and we’ve picked up the pieces to slowly accept each other again.

Just so you know, the bluntness is never malicious and it’s always coming from a good place. I always find myself biting my tongue and keeping to the mantra of “not saying anything if you don’t have anything nice to say”.

ive realised that my frankness is both my strength and weakness. not all appreciate it and im working on sugar coating my words a little bit better. i dont like to see people hurt. even if sebenarnya, actually nya, actualliest nya i mean well.

anyway, turning 32 in a few weeks. planning a very colourful birthday MONTH. Will be doing a little bit of travelling (expecting CAKE at every single stop :P) and hopefully i will also get some soul searching in the mix.

Pretty content with life at the moment. Im neither overjoyed or unhappy .. but im ok. im somewhere in between. Alhamdulillah. I have to maintain this level of gratitude for everything that’s going well in my life.

i hope everyone has been good too.

smell ya later.

kiss me.

balum lagi, inshallah.

Not sure what i’m going to write about. I’m about to wing it.

Winter is here despite falling 20 days short of it. Kemarin my facebook memory alert reminded me that this time around last year street entertainers were still in shorts. ani cuba tia seluar pindik… inda jua jadi statue. aku ani menunggu snow saja ni kan jadi si Elsa. Elsa binti Junit.

hahaha.

We havent had sunshine for 3 weeks straight. All my life i’ve never had a doctor prescribe me with Vitamin D. Apparently in countries where sunlight is abundant you produce your own Vitamin D. Inda plang ku sure untuk apa Vitamin D ani.. but if i could associate it with a flavour it would taste like the beach. Kalau ku makan 10 biji…mcm ke Hawaii kali effect nya. ataupun effect mcm lapas kana suruh bebaris acara padang hari hari for one month…hahahaha imagine ku bangun skali ada takah tudung warna putih siring siring muka ku hahahahaa and i dont even wear the tudung..- “balum lagi..inshallah.”

i dont know why the end of that sentence seems to be the standard disclaimer for non-hijab wearing girls. i wouldn’t say it myself, but when i do say i don’t wear the hijab..almost always, someone near me would chime in and go ‘balum lagi, inshallah’. I wonder if these people are one day going to charge me for their services.

memang lah balum lagi, inshallah!!! membari pressure saja jua kau ani. krg kana tanya ku balik ‘brapa tah aribulannya inshallah ani?’ apa jawapan ku?? apa ??? APA??????????????????? skali ku telipun line 1800-balum-lagi-inshallah ani engage tia memanjang..ku whatsapp whatsapp nda lagi pandai menjawab. Di hawaii tia kali bagas makan vitamin D.

ok nothing’s been going on in my life. i’m just looking forward to my december holiday.

havent taken leave the whole year..so im feeling somewhat entitled. tau ku plang ngaleh lagi kau. lol. kraja mu cangkul2 pasal atu kau ngaleh.

my neck is suffering the effects of ‘salah bantal’. tapi lurus bantal yang ku pakai atu. ive always wondered where that saying came from. bantal nya kah salah? ataupun mcm ‘aku salah limpangkan kepala ku’. kesian bantal yang inda besalah ani jadi besalah. sudah pun inda besalah, kana jamur lagi tu mcm kanak2 primary school yang kedapatan membaca sweet valley kids bawah mija skulah ugama.

interestingly i came across an article this morning about how the pain you experience in the different parts of your body is related to how you’re feeling emotionally. Kalau lihir ani nya i may have difficulties forgiving.

and that’s really something to think about. nya skali sakit lutut…*tries to remember* oh u have a problem with your ego.

tadi sakit plang lutut ku ani. ani baik tia sudah. he he he.

kalau sakit belakang… you have financial worries..

im not making this up guys…i saw it on facebook……..so it must be legit.

lol.

but if this is the case, then we wouldnt have to resort to medicine anymore. i dont have to see the doctors for my ailments…exsp kalau doktor mu doktor dari belgium kau minta ubat eczema ia bagi banyak2 vitamin d.
so yes, unless they can cure me with money, compliments and pay me enough money to forgive..no more doktoi for me.

tp come to think of it. it could also be that time of the month. and if this is the case then chocolate and sleep fixes everything. sama jua kalau badan mu gatal2.. esp kalau gatal2 nya di EHEM EHEM…bukan ehem ehem bawah..ehem ehem atas huhuhu… jangantah sibuk2 mencari antihestamine.. kau kan period tu ertinya bah eh.

k bye.

signing off..

Dr Elsa binti Junit

Just signing in.

It has been a while innit?

Ive just been keeping myself busy with work and the dramas of Rupaul’s All Stars Drag Race season two. When i’m not watching drag queens lip sync for their lives, i’m on netflix……… trying not to watch Tyrant because it’s racist, Islamophobic and racist, racist, racist….but i can’t keep my eyes off the tv. When im not torrenting, netflixing, you can find me on pizza.be (ordering food) or chasing pavements. Find me on that Nike running app. i think i’m Syazwana18 or Syazwana, not sure. but when you find me, you’d see my face.

and i have nothing else to add.

bye bye.

Muhasabah diri.

I cannot find my flats. My 10 euro H&M flats. I couldn’t have left it at yoga because 1. i havent been going 😛 2. if i did, ill probably remember walking to my care barefooted…cobbled stones are sakit. i don’t know where they are, at the same i’m also questioning why is it that i never buy more than a pair? i mean…. at 10 euros, it’s affordable enough. and depending on how sweaty your feet are, they COULD last a very long time.. huhu. i guess it all boils down to priorities…. i tend to turn a blind eye on them.

i guess that’s what you get for being impulsive. not exactly the kind that would go bungee jumping in the spur of the moment, but the type that would reach for a $XXXX bag instead of the pack of spendet at $XX. *face palm* i’m also known to yolo a 3 piece box from Hector (Belgium’s answer to KFC) when i’m on a freaking diet. i need to change. At 31, i need to be more in control of myself. So here’s the plan….

– go on hnm.com and get at least 3 pairs of black flats.
– buy new spendet
– try not to pass a Hector on the way to /work/home…./hector
– no (binge)eating after 7. lolz
– sembahyang 5 kali sehari.
– it’s time to start spending wisely…..start a budget.
– be kinder to myself.
– bitch about people less
– gotta start taking care of myself better: eating well. get enough sleep. routine pedicure manicure, cabut bulu kirai bulu misai dan sebagainya.
– be grateful every day.

sounds easy enough.

i’ll let you know how i go.

kiss me.